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Sex is an important part of God's plan for marriage. God wants you to enjoy and celebrate your spouse sexually. God calls spouses to be more than roommate, more than teammates; he calls them to be lovers caring for each other's bodies.

God holds the patent

This perspective on sexuality came as a surprise to a couple we were counseling as they entered their second marriage. They had both come to a deeper faith after their first relationships had fallen apart. They wanted to root this new relationship firmly in God’s word. They had not grown up with any open dialogue about sexuality at home and their church did not talk about sexuality. Our conversation was eye-opening as they learned that sex was designed by God as a good thing given to us as a blessing. Scripture certainly warns against its misuse, but it also celebrates our sexuality. Song of Songs 4:10 says, "How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice." Sexuality was intended for our pleasure; this is the way that God designed it.

Sexual intimacy enriches marriage

God knew that it was not good for man to be alone and he created woman to complement him as a partner. God could have made children arrive in marriage through storks, cabbage leaves, or cellular duplication, but he chose to make it take two to tango, and for the process to be fun! Proverbs 5:18-19 tells us to rejoice in our spouse and be captivated by their love. Sexuality was intended not only for procreation, but for our pleasure and enjoyment as spouses. It’s an important way we build intimacy together.

Healthy marriages are sexually intimate

And as an expression of intimacy, Sex can be a barometer of the health of our relationship. If we are too busy for spiritual or emotional connectedness, our physical life will reflect this. If we are intellectually arrogant or emotionally brutal, our physical life will reflect this too. But for most, the simple busyness of our routines can isolate us from each other. When did you last have a date night together? Spend time sharing thoughts, emotions, and prayer together, and you find more readiness for physical closeness. Enjoy your spouse as a gift from God! Unplug the TV and computer, have a long talk, and head to bed early! 

Sexual intimacy involves giving

Our physical relationship should be a regular part of our marriage relationship. Our culture thinks of sex as something to be taken from another, but scripture speaks of it as something we give. 1 Corinthians 7:5 says not to deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time of devoting yourself to prayer. Sex is not meant to be used as a weapon to control your partner, to manipulate your spouse, or to get your way. Sex is a gift to be freely given. We would never dream of leaving a gift unopened and getting dusty, yet when everything else in our life calls for our attention, our relationship often gets neglected.

Sexuality is only one kind of intimacy

As creatures made to have both souls and bodies, our physicality is important. Couples covenanted together in marriage are designed to be physically intimate. But you're designed to be intimate also in your emotions, your intellect, and your spirituality. All these intimacies are interelated--getting close in some make it easier to be close in others. Sharing about your day's struggles can make you more emotionally intimate, solving problems together can bring you together intellectually, and praying out loud for one another is a powerful way to express your relationship at the throne of God. Barriers in one or more of these creates barriers in the others, and progress creates progress. 

Sexual intimacy requires boundaries

Of course, God places limits around sexuality to protect and draw us closer to each other. Sexuality belongs within the bounds of the marriage relationship. Our society idolizes the risk of adulterous relationships, and the taking of  forbidden love. The book of Proverbs is loaded with cautions against looking for sex outside of marriage. These relationships only result in pain. Pornography is very damaging to relationships and is no different from adultery. It is the lusting after someone outside of your marriage, and it injures all those who come in contact with it.

The world talks about sex all the time, but God has the best plan for sexuality. If the church won’t talk about it, people will settle for distortions the world is selling. God designed us as sexual beings; sex was his design and plan for us. God wanted our marriage to have physical intimacy to draw us closer to our spouses. Sex is not something dirty or worldly, it is a sacred coming together of a couple celebrating God’s gift of each other. Take delight in your spouse!

 

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