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Your words can do real damage. You can say things that can't be forgotten, things you'll regret later. So we will be careful not to attack our spouse with deadly emotional force.

Rule #4: Check Your Weapons.

For starters, there are words that should never enter the vocabulary of a Christian. We should never stoop to name-calling, cursing, or harmful generalizations.  These things are not only unhelpful, but they can cause deep emotional wounds that are very difficult to repair.  So many couples struggle with moving past words that were said to them in anger.  Apologizing later does not remove the sting of ugly words that hit a vulnerable place.

Eph. 4:29 -- Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up.

And when we get to know our spouses, we also learn their weaknesses and vulnerabilities. We need to be careful not to betray our spouse's trust in the heat of an argument.  Our intimacy should allow us to see each other's inadequacies with which we are struggle. It is a complete betrayal of trust to exploit our spouse’s insecurities.  Our intimacy will be doubly damaged if our spouse feels betrayed. Who would want to continue sharing  their souls with someone who abuses the privilege?

Remember, you are not out to annihilate your spouse! Our goal is supposed to be gaining understanding, not beating our spouse into submission.

 

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