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We all fight with our loved ones. It's natural, even healthy if handled well. But there are some basic rules to keep in mind when we fight to keep disagreements from turning ugly. 

Here's Rule #1: No Winning

When we fight, we need to remember that the point is to understand each other, not dominate each other. You are not out to win a victory over the other person, but to build your relationship.

Prov. 17:27 --  A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.

My wife came to me once and said, "hey, we bounced a check!" My reaction was first to say, "What? It's not my fault!" and second to say, "It's probably your fault!" I was both defensive and blaming. Neither reaction was helpful.

Eph 5.28 -- Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

A better reaction would have been to say, "Ouch! that hurts. What should we do about it?" I should have been trying to see things her way and work for a common solution, not just cover my own rear end.

Matt 20.25 -- The gentiles lord it over each other, not so with you.

Placing blame and being right might make me feel better, but it doesn't build anything between us. We will fight sooner or later, and we will fight fair if we seek to build, rather than win!

 

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