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We were designed to build connections to those around us, to be in communion with others. There is nothing wrong with seeking someone with whom we can share our lives.  

Yet desiring to be in a relationship becomes problematic if it becomes the focus of life.  Dating and even marriage is a means to an end, not the goal of life itself.

So why is looking for a spouse such a poor life focus?


  • You are already complete on your own. God has gifted you and loves you. Focus on an intense search for a partner might circumvent your growing contentment with God and with self.
  • You already belong. God has already claimed you as his own, and he has already placed us in communities to care for one another. There are wonderful people to support and encourage us within God’s body whether we are single, married, widowed or divorced.
  • You are already blessed now. Don't miss the blessings that God has already placed around you. Each day holds blessings and promise in which we can delight. Focus on following God’s lead and exploring the avenues of ministry in which you have been gifted.  As you find yourself following God’s lead, you may discover someone that God has been preparing just for you.
  • We may settle for less than God desires. Out of impatience or fear, we may lower our standards to someone less than God desires for us. Choosing a spouse who does not cherish you fully or fails to demonstrate love and faith in Christ may seem better than being alone, but it will set you on the road to conflict and heartache in your relationship for years to come.
  • God’s timing is often not in step with our own. We want what we want when we want it, but God often has lessons to grow us in the time of waiting. We live in a culture of immediate gratification, which makes it harder to wait. Yet God may be growing you. 
  • You do not know the plan that God has for you. God may desire for you to glorify him in single life. God may have a plan for you to marry down the road, but not be in a relationship right now. God may be trying to direct you to the spouse that he has in mind, but you are too focused on finding someone yourself.

God has your best interest at heart. You may feel that that God is punishing you by not providing you with a spouse. Let God hear your loneliness and let him astound you with how he provides. Keep trusting God’s plan even when it is not the plan that you would have chosen. Psalm 37:4 tells us to delight yourself in the Lord and he will give us the desires of our heart. It may not be what we envisioned, but it will be best.


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